i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
