I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
