so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
