I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the gays at disneyland are vicious
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
