Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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