Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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