fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
