respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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