my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
