eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
