he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
