He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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