I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
