six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
should my penis look like a turkey
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
