you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
