Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
