well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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