Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
