You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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