party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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