so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
