I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
