Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
