Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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