I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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