Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
