This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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