Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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