You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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