so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
