You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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