just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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