there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
