I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
