I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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