The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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