how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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