Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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