A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
