i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
