i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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