I cannot find my penis.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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