I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
