oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
