Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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