Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
