i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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