when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
