Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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