I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
