My Higher Power is John Stamos
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
