Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have post one night stand depression
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
