I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
