I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize