Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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