Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
