i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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