Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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