11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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