nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
