When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
