plz talk dirty to me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
