I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
