Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
