ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
