I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
