There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
