....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
