Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
