its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
