bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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